


sakuras: new beginnings

by doubletan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Confessions, Fanart, Fanzine, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, M/M, So no worries, sakuras
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 16:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10575054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubletan/pseuds/doubletan
Summary: Hajime was glad he was one of the rare few that knows the real Tooru. But Hajime was confident someone was sure to take his place in the near future. Someone who can be by his side at all times, someone who will never have to make him suffer.He took a deep breath, it was now or never. “Oikawa,” Tooru flinched, “let’s break up.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> hi! finally something new after so long! soz been busy with junior college and zines hehe.
> 
> so here's a piece from the hq flower zine (which is a free e-zine!) i participated in! this fic is really something diff for me because its rly diff from how i picture iwa and oiks r/s and it was a gr8 experience trying to keep to 1.5k words LOL. kudos to tsuki who i collab with for the diff perspective! links to download the zine will be in the end notes. enjoy!

_Sakura. Hajime picked the fallen pink petal from his shoulder. Pink and unblemished, it remained beautiful and eternal even as it fell. Glancing at the chestnut hair boy beside him who let out a carefree laugh, Hajime's heart throbbed painfully. And he dropped the petal below the tree where they sat without hesitation where a pile of fallen petals have already collected. Hajime didn’t need any other pretty things, there was someone more precious than all of them combined._

_He decided to savor and drag out his momentary reprieve before it was gone forever. Warm light filtering through the canopy, he shuffled closer to Tooru to rest his head on his shoulder. Sighing, Tooru did the same._

_Hajime’s eyes followed the trail of the falling petal. Even from the distance above, he could make out that certain petal, just before it got trampled by the clumsy footsteps of toddlers. He clenched his hand into a tight fist, crumpling his Seijou uniform pants that he had to wear for the very last time that day. He promised himself he would never make him suffer, even if it meant keeping him away from himself._

_With a sudden gust of wind, the petal disappeared from sight into the setting sun. Hajime envied how it could vanish into thin air so quickly without guilt or pause. Resolution settled over him, Hajime leaned away from Tooru, puzzlement evident in his eyes. Hajime steadied himself. He was clear on what he had to do._

 

The branch groaned as Hajime sat down with a grunt. He reminded himself to lose those extra weight soon before they get the better of him. It would be nice to visit the nearby Miyagi gym he used to frequent, for sentimentality sake.

Hajime took a sweeping observation of the neighborhood playground below him that was miraculously still intact even after he had left numerous years ago. It had the basic playground equipment: the three slides of increasing height repainted in the primary colors throughout the years, _which Tooru was too scared to go on the tallest one until he was nine;_ the chipped seesaw with loose handles, _which Tooru broke off one of its handles;_ the roundabout that tilted slightly to the side, _which Tooru puked milk bread all over it in junior high;_ and lastly...his eyes came to rest on the two empty swings: _empty. Empty,_ like Hajime’s heart for the past few years. _Empty,_ like Tooru’s eyes when he said those dreaded words.

He shuddered in agony, shouldn’t his heart be dead by now? It had been _hurting and hurting,_ and there was no one else who could replace the cure to his chronic pain. _It's all for his own good,_ Hajime reminded himself once again in that endless loop for the past few years. Even if it will lead to his own demise.

Now, all he saw were the sakura petals that suffocated him from all corners. He felt his breath left him as he choked on the fresh air tinged with the overpowering nauseating scent of sakuras. It was the wrong decision to return and surround himself with painful memories of the past. Sakura reminded him of someone miles away, someone who was living a happier life without him, of someone who deserved the entire world...of someone which Hajime could not provide it for.

He decided to get out of here before a visit to his hometown becomes a torture.

Yet, Hajime stood shockingly still. That smell that left him reeling earlier miraculously alleviated as his eyes focused on the figure that seemingly materialized out of the sakura petals and plopped down next to him. _That graceful gait, artfully gelled brown hair-_ “Iwa-chan, too shocked to see me?” Hajime breathed, _and that voice._

_Five years ago_

_“Hajime..?” He asked. Unspoken questions lingered in the air, now heavy with tension. Both boys used their first names in private. It only added to their intimacy and a reminder of their long withstanding past together. When Hajime did not reply, Tooru shuffled closer, eradicating the meager distance between them. Tooru's eyes seem to draw Hajime in and he entertained the thought of having one last-Shaking his head firmly, Hajime moved further away as much as possible from Tooru. He wasn’t surprised, ever since young, Tooru always had a certain power over him._

_The building intensity in Tooru’s brown eyes held an increasing number of questions. Many perceived Tooru as a positive boy, or even happy-go-lucky. It was ridiculous, none knew how wrong they were about him. His eyes are the mirror to his soul, and most of the time his expressions consisted of eyes frothing with stormy waves of insecurities and anxiety, while his smile remained constant and artificial. Hajime was glad he was one of the rare few that knows the real Tooru. But Hajime was confident someone was sure to take his place in the near future. Someone who can be by his side at all times, someone who will never have to make him suffer._

_He took a deep breath, it was now or never. “Oikawa,” Tooru flinched, “let’s break up.”_

Hajime wondered how the same scene could be replayed all over again, albeit with the physical alterations of adulthood and...the absence of their relationship. They sat in silence, the only interruptions being the fluttering of the sakura petals in the crisp air. He forced himself not to look at the boy beside him before he gets mesmerized by those brown eyes once again and he would say something he regret. Especially after five years of suffering. It wasn’t worth it.

The cool air boiled with tension under the surface of both boys seemingly calm facade, and Hajime took it as his cue to leave before things got messy, even if his heart was left here five years ago. Hajime got up-“So, how was life for you Iwa-chan?” Tooru popped out, too innocent and steady to mean nothing.

Hajime squirmed and sat back down uncomfortably, adamantly looking away from Tooru. He promised himself he would answer this question for courtesy sake and leave, even if he knew deep down he was just ignoring the truth: stalling for more time to be with him.

“Fine.” “Always curt with the answer eh?” Tooru joked mirthlessly. Hajime wrung his neck stiffly in response, not rising to his bait. But with a turn of his head, Hajime’s vision was flooded by the sight of what he had spent years missing. Waking up in the dead of the night, heart burning in agony with hot tears streaming down as he forced himself to stay put in Kyoto and not rush straight to Tokyo, if only for a glimpse of Tooru, that he’s doing fine, much better without a lover who lived far away.

That same intensity, as if he could see straight into Hajime’s soul was there in those same brown eyes he used to be only able to admire in his memories. Being caught in the act, he flinched and turned away. “Wh-what about you?” _Shit._ Hajime had said that out of embarrassment. He reprimanded himself internally. It’s been five years and Tooru still had this effect on him. He had viciously broken ties, he was supposed to be _over him._

“Hmm...” Tooru steeple his fingers under his chin in contemplation. “ _Fine_ as well.” He retorted back. That fake smile and guarded eyes appeared once again, underlying with...something different, but still so so wrong.

“You’re lying,” Hajime blurted out without thinking. Tooru froze, eyes going wide like saucers before they hardened into rock. He lashed out at Hajime.“You’re one to talk! _You_ left me,” he slapped a hand to his chest, all the pent up hurt finally released, “and now you want to know if I’m _fine?_ ”

In the watery depths of his eyes which had started to overflow with tears, Hajime saw Tooru's five years. Of missing Hajime, of tears bled into sheets when Hajime ignored his messages and calls studiously as he ached to visit Hajime but his pride won’t let him. Of of hugging age old photos to his chest, and praying feverishly for a miracle that things can just return to the past.

That ‘something different’ was missing Hajime to the point of agony, which had never blossomed between them in the past.

Hajime realized he had been wrong all along, that distance had never been a problem to Tooru. The problem had always been the total absence of a certain individual bearing the name _Iwaizumi Hajime._ He let out a self-deprecating laugh, taking Tooru’s hand in his.

A pink hue of sakura settled upon the both of them, and Hajime recalled that sakura trees symbolized new beginnings in life.

He took a deep breath, it was now or never. “Let’s start again Tooru.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i edited the fic so its slighty diff from the zine ver because i was shOOKED at my horrendous writing lol so pls dm the bad quality :(( writing in dec compared to five months later really makes a diff zz
> 
> wonderful art is by [Tsuki!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukigakireida) do take a look at her account. it was fun collab-ing with her :)
> 
> the haikyuu flower zine can be downloaded from [dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/w43u45psyszp6ac/infullbloom.pdf.zip?dl=0),[ google drive](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4Cd4UYhSuQYdVNDeWtfRVVYb0k/view) or [mediafire!](http://www.mediafire.com/file/6mtvml042b15xkr/infullbloom.pdf.zip). do take a look because there were so many participants and amazing works!!! 
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](https://doubletan.tumblr.com/)


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